The Festive Chemical Equation 3HOs

Ever wondered what Santa is alluding to when he sings out Ho Ho Ho?

If you consult the internet, you’ll find the PG version of the meaning. It’s in place for the children because, as you know, Christmas is all about the kids and their wonder and amusement. It’s a magical and special time of year.

But for the older ones, the adults, Ho Ho Ho means something more.

During this festive time of the year, where merriment and drinking copiously reign, it seems appropriate to remind you of the three different types of HO’s (HangOvers) lurking around Christmas parties and dinners ready to attach themselves to unsuspecting partygoers.

He sees you when your drinking, he knows when you’re Shitfaced HO

This HO will wake you up with a slight headache and leave you feeling miserable. What makes this HO suck is the constant throb in your head, behind your eyes and the pounding of your heart when you hurry to the loo.

Really, the only thing the day is good for is laying on the couch watching Netflix and indulging in a finger-licking good feed of KFC.

The damage is done and the fat guy in the red suit knows what you’ve been up to… and when you passed out.

There’s still time to be penned on the naughty list!

Christmas time means there are ample occasions to drink and be merry but last night was your night!

You put the red in Rudolph’s nose.

Merry Drunk, I’m Christmas HO

Also, known as ‘The 12 Drinks of Christmas’ – This party hard HO will have you ‘Decking the floors’ or S-bend with technicoloured yawns.

Fa La Laa La Laa La Laa.

Dizziness, the shakes, chills are accompanied by an unquenchable thirst which when satisfied leads to queasiness.

Your saliva glands unexpectedly secrete more than usual, which is a common precursor to a burst of energy that only lasts as long as it takes to make it to the bathroom.

Last night you were the life of the party.

The Naughty Elf on the Shelf HO

This Elf says a lot about the dirty HO you’re feeling right now.

A 10-fold combination of the above two HO’s.

Besides wreaking of cheap booze and bad decisions your body is showing severe symptoms of the sweats and random flashbacks.

You’re not able to put a full sentence together after boisterously sharing your filthy sailor’s mouth most of the evening.

The partial memory of moments best left forgotten has your brain lovingly sharing your twerking moves which have now gone viral on social media platforms.

That gravel rash on your knee – How’d that happen? … Oh wait, a flashback. Groan.

Santa walks into a bar and says, “HO HO HO!”
The bartender says, “Oh sorry, we’re not that kind of establishment."

The dirt you dished out to the General Manager, the secretary, and your co-workers because you know it all.

Get some rest is the best advice and remember don’t answer your phone.

Better still don’t even look at it especially your messages, call log and photo gallery.

You’ve probably irrevocably damaged your liver but, hey! it was all worth it – Christmas spirit was flowing in abundance and you were full of it.

But alas, don’t even expect a lump of coal this year. Your name is irreversibly etched onto Santa’s naughty list.


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Melissa Coleman

Freelance Journalist/Author/PR Manager



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